Finding Stars Hollow: What Gilmore Girls Means To Me
In 2016, I hadn’t seen a single episode of Gilmore Girls and had no idea who Lorelai Gilmore was or what she would come to mean to me. The show was suggested to me by a close friend who was excited for the upcoming Year in the Life and so I thought I would give it a go. In astonishingly rapid time, I breezed through the series. I loved it from the first scene when Lorelai playfully bargained with Luke for another cup of coffee.
I’ve watched the series over and over since I first discovered it. I can’t help it, it empowers me, soothes me. I find it reassuring to spend time without someone who speaks as fast as I do — mostly in my head now as life has beaten some of the stream of consciousness banter out of me when amongst the general public.
When I mentioned to people (who asked) that I was watching the series, those who’d seen it before were quick to comment, “You’re Lorelai.” A compliment to my ears, and accurate in many ways. Granted, I don’t have her confidence or ability to monologue at such length, nor did I get pregnant at sixteen, but there is so much of the essence of that character which I share.
As I progressed through Gilmore Girls, I began to realise that I shared more with her than just a quick tongue and upbeat temperament. Her strained relationship with her parents, particularly her mother, Emily, was something I understood deeply. When I came to the scene where Lorelai visits Emily to explain why she didn’t tell her about getting engaged, I recorded the scene on my phone, thinking and hoping that one day I would be able to show it to my own mother and say: this is what I want to say to you. Her words were so perfect, explaining how she didn’t want to share good news because her mother would question her and say things that made Lorelai feel bad about something she was excited about. All while admitting that the feeling wasn’t entirely fair even though it was honest.
Living As A Lorelai
The first watch through, I couldn’t believed I’d missed such an amazing show. Year in the Life allowed me to continue the adventure right away and it too was wonderful and full of new lessons on living as a Lorelai. When she hears the song “Unbreakable”, sung by Sutton Foster, I think it started the cogs turning that made me realise I needed to make some bolder decisions for me, not just follow the track I was on. I ended up starting to make shifts in my life the following year that led to me leaving my job soon after that.
My second run of Gilmore Girls started almost as soon as ‘Fall’ settled in my mind and the foliage began to turn all around me. I returned to Stars Hollow and marvelled at what I’d missed and what I knew now that I’d seen how it ended. I also began to see the parallels in the relationships between child, parent and grandparent in a new way. I could see that in terms of circumstance, I was a Rory. I was the child of a Lorelai who struck out on her own because she felt controlled and weighted by the stifling world that she’d been raised in. Granted, there wasn’t the same wealth to walk away from, but there was the same sense of societal obligation and family loyalty required. It was all hidden meanings and implied requests. I came to realise that being a Rory meant that I would never really understand what stood between Lorelai and Emily, since my experiences were only good and without troubled years. In ageing, I’d had to figure out my own loyalties while feeling a clear personal want to be close to anyone who called themselves my family. I can imagine now that my frustrations with my parents wouldn’t be an issue that my children would have, nor would I want them to.
I’ll Find My Stars Hollow
I’ve watched Gilmore Girls three…or four times now — I believe the third time was when I started my list of actors I recognised from other things in bit or guest character parts. I’m older now and catching up to Rory’s age in Year in the Life. Like so many writer characters on TV, she is looking to fulfil a creative drive that feels authentic and important to her. As a writer myself, I share the feeling of searching and searching for the right project, the best idea, the most honest story I can tell. I’m not sure I’ve found it yet, but I keep trying.
Having finished my most recent watch of the original series, and at the stage of life that I am in now, I have begun wondering not just about who I am but where I am. I have no doubt (or should I say I have an abundance of hope) that I will one day find my own Stars Hollow. A small community where I really feel like I belong and can thrive. I’ll find a Luke, perhaps, who will give me a chosen family. I’ll have close friends, some I see every day and some now and again. I’ll be satisfied in my little world where I can be myself completely and offer everything I can to the people around me. Perhaps I’ll be on my way by the time I next finish rewatching Lorelai and Rory have that last cup of coffee.
